I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
