none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
