I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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