ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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