If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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