I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
