she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
