it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
