i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
