can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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