You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
soo... how was my night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
