Apparently you make a good broom.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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