You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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