I got her a Nickelback box set.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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