I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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