btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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