is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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