Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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