Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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