Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
