shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
