I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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