I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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