it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
