I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
