Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
