Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
