She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
