just tell him i said nine months
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
