Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
