piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
