3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I AM VODKA MAN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
