If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
