She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
