69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
