Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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