You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
