I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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