having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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