i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
