i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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