I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
another moral hangover. fuck.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
