oh god the rape fog is back!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
