I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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