i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
