The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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