Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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