if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
