you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
