david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
