I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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