There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
