Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
