I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
