I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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