I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
