ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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