Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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