DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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