69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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