Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
