fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize